lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
