So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
