She's JV to your varsity
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
