A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
