How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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