Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
