New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize