i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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