She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
