pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
