Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
