He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
birth control should be required to get into college
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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