i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
please come you make the beer taste better
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
