Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
