im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
