well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
