do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
