The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize