my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
