end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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