Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize