the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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