Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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