I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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