You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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