their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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