Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize