He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize