Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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