Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
