Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
