i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
