it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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