just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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