It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
