how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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