I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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