You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize