I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
