I didn't shave. On purpose
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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