Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want nice things and good sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
