Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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