you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
