WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
