i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
