Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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