90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize