Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
