My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we should paint friendship bongs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
