Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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