So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
