a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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