OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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