You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
