DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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