I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize