At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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