I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
