fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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