Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
