Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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