The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
