Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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