i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
