i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
