Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did i walk over a car last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
