I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Will you blow on my dice?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
