I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Vodka?
Forever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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