You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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