I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
