That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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