Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
