1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
