I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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