ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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