I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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