three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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