did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
