i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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