Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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